Infertility — Is it really a curse??

infertility

Vidya, hap­pi­ly mar­ried from last 10 years and her life is rocking..wonderful, lov­able hus­band and her dream job she love to give her 100% to it.

Enter­ing in cafe, she got sur­prise to see her child­hood friend Sikhsha hav­ing gala time with her 2 munchkins.… talk­ing about school days they gig­gle and shared won­der­ful time …she her kids for the first time but they were just laugh­ing and play­ing with her like they know her from years.…her friend smiled and asked ” Vidya, it’s long you got mar­ried …being career ori­ent­ed is good but you should now think about fam­i­ly …Why you are not plan­ning for kids?”

Vidya smiled and said ” Yes, we too are plan­ning .”

Sikhsha : Do you know, you should atleast plan one kid now else it would be late…”

Vidya smiled back and kept play­ing with kids.…and returned home..

After she returned home, she was full in tears and only she knows what she is going through… Sikhsha her child­hood best friend also not aware what she said and what hurt her friend more.…Everyone just keep on and telling her plan for baby, you are so career ori­ent­ed but only Vidya knows what she is going through.

She always loved kids, after her mar­riage want­ed to have one baby but des­tiny planned some­thing else for her. Ravi her hus­band and she left no stones to find out best doc­tor to get treat­ment to con­ceive. Her inlaws, rel­a­tives even her broth­er stopped call­ing her in func­tions and cer­e­mony think­ing that her pres­ence will not be good. Pain from which she was going can’t be expressed in words but why all blame her ONLY her. Ravi can attend all fam­i­ly func­tion but her moth­er in law given him strict instruc­tion “don’t bring Vidya for any puja or fam­i­ly func­tions”

Is she real­ly respon­si­ble for her INFERTILITY?

Let us first know what is real­ly Infer­til­i­ty in terms of med­ical sci­ence.

Accord­ing to WHO “ Infer­til­i­ty is “a dis­ease of the repro­duc­tive sys­tem defined by the fail­ure to achieve a clin­i­cal preg­nan­cy after 12 months or more of reg­u­lar unpro­tect­ed sex­u­al inter­course.”… (WHO-ICMART glos­sary1).

We are in 21st cen­tu­ry like we have so many Myths about peri­ods still we are hold­ing up tight Myths about Infertility.The inabil­i­ty to give birth to a child when desired is a very per­son­al and stress­ful life expe­ri­ence. Many myths sur­round this area of human life and though med­ical sci­ence has brought about a rapid­ly grow­ing num­ber of inter­ven­tions and tech­nolo­gies to assist indi­vid­u­als toward preg­nan­cy, much of it is mis­un­der­stood. It is help­ful to sep­a­rate some of the com­mon myths from the truths regard­ing impor­tant sub­jects such as the caus­es and nature of infer­til­i­ty and the care of infer­tile cou­ples.

Myth- “Infer­til­i­ty is usu­al­ly due to a prob­lem in the wom­an.
Truth It is impor­tant for cou­ples to under­stand that the caus­es of infer­til­i­ty are almost equal­ly shared by female and male part­ners.

Myth – “Infer­til­i­ty is a rare dis­or­der.”
Truth Pri­ma­ry infer­til­i­ty is under­stood to be the fail­ure of a cou­ple to con­ceive after one year of unpro­tect­ed inter­course. In the female old­er than 35, it is gen­er­al­ly defined as no con­cep­tion in six months since prob­lems with infer­til­i­ty increase with age and age reduces the like­li­hood that treat­ments will be suc­cess­ful.

Myth -Foods Affect Fer­til­i­ty.
Truth -False. Some have sug­gest­ed that con­sum­ing more (or less) soy affects fer­til­i­ty.

Myth: Hav­ing sex every day will increase our chances of con­ceiv­ing.
Truth: Tim­ing sex dur­ing the most fer­tile days of a woman’s month­ly cycle will increase your chances — not how many times you have sex. Gen­er­al­ly, the best time for try­ing to con­ceive is dur­ing the 11th to 17th days of a woman’s men­stru­al cycle, based on a 28-day cycle. Since a man’s sperm can live for 48 to 72 hours in a woman’s repro­duc­tive tract, inter­course every oth­er day dur­ing this peri­od is rec­om­mend­ed.

Myth: Wom­en going through fer­til­i­ty treat­ments end up with twins or triplets.
Truth: The major­i­ty of wom­en who suc­ceed with fer­til­i­ty treat­ments will have a sin­gle child. The risk of mul­ti­ple preg­nan­cies with infer­til­i­ty treat­ments is high­er than usu­al, but can be min­i­mized.

The­se are few Myths which still exits in soci­ety it’s high time we should stop being judg­men­tal about wom­en not hav­ing kids and #GiveRe­spect to them you nev­er know through what they are going!!!

Things what I feel we should say or not to some­one who is liv­ing with infer­til­i­ty

We should say :

  1. Let them know that you care. The best thing you can do is let your infer­tile friends know that you care.
  2. Do your research. Read up about infer­til­i­ty, and pos­si­bly treat­ments or oth­er fam­i­ly build­ing options your friend is con­sid­er­ing, so that you are informed when your friend needs to talk.
  3. Act inter­est­ed. Some peo­ple don’t want to talk about infer­til­i­ty, but some do. Let them know you’re avail­able if they want to talk.
  4. Ask them what they need. They may also appre­ci­ate if you ask them what the most help­ful things to say are.
  5. Provide extra out­reach to your male friends. Infer­til­i­ty is not a woman’s-centric issue; your male friends are most like­ly griev­ing silent­ly. Don’t push, but let them know you’re avail­able.
  6. When appro­pri­ate, encour­age ther­a­py. If you feel your friend could ben­e­fit from talk­ing to a pro­fes­sion­al to han­dle his or her grief, sug­gest ther­a­py imagesgen­tly. If you go to ther­a­py reg­u­lar­ly, or ever have, share your per­son­al sto­ry.
  7. Sup­port their deci­sion to stop treat­ment. No cou­ple can endure infer­til­i­ty treat­ments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an ago­niz­ing deci­sion to make, and it involves even more grief.

Things you should nev­er say :

  1. Don’t tell them to relax. Com­ments such as “just relax” cre­ate even more stress for the infer­tile cou­ple, par­tic­u­lar­ly the wom­an. The wom­an feels like she is doing some­thing wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a phys­i­cal prob­lem pre­vent­ing her from becom­ing preg­nant.
  2. Don’t min­i­mize the prob­lem. Fail­ure to con­ceive a baby is a very painful jour­ney. Com­ments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late .…trav­el . . etc.,” do not offer com­fort.
  3. Don’t say there are worse things that could hap­pen. Who is the final author­i­ty on what is the “worst” thing that could hap­pen to some­one? Dif­fer­ent peo­ple react to dif­fer­ent life expe­ri­ences in dif­fer­ent ways.
  4. Don’t ask why they are not try­ing IVF. Because most insur­ance plans do not cov­er IVF treat­ment, many are unable to pay for the out-of-pock­et expens­es. Infer­til­i­ty stress is phys­i­cal, emo­tion­al, and finan­cial.
  5. Don’t push adop­tion or anoth­er solu­tion. So often infer­tile cou­ples are asked, “Why don’t you just adopt?” The cou­ple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adop­tion deci­sion or chose anoth­er fam­i­ly build­ing option.
  6. Don’t say, “You’re young, you have plen­ty of time to get preg­nant.” Know the facts. It’s rec­om­mend­ed that wom­en under 35 see a fer­til­i­ty spe­cial­ist after being unable to con­ceive for one year. Being young increas­es your chance of fer­til­i­ty treat­ments work­ing, but it does not guar­an­tee suc­cess.
  7. Don’t gos­sip about your friend’s con­di­tion. For some, infer­til­i­ty treat­ments are a very pri­vate mat­ter, which is why you should respect your friend’s pri­va­cy.
  8. Don’t com­plain about your preg­nan­cy. For many fac­ing infer­til­i­ty, it can be hard to be around oth­er wom­en who are preg­nant. See­ing your bel­ly grow is a con­stant reminder of what your infer­tile friend can­not have. Not com­plain­ing can make things a lit­tle eas­ier for your friend.
  9. Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. Male or female fac­tor. Just because a friend has told you he or she is expe­ri­enc­ing infer­til­i­ty as a cou­ple, does not mean he or she wants to dis­cuss the details.
  10. On the oth­er hand, don’t assume the infer­til­i­ty is female fac­tor. 1/3 of infer­til­i­ty is female fac­tor, 1/3 is male fac­tor, and 1/3 is unex­plained.

#Respect­Wom­en #Respect­Feel­ings

This blog is to #SpreadAware­ness about Infer­til­i­ty through Infer­til­i­ty Dost, India’s first web­site that facil­i­tates cou­ples to brave infer­til­i­ty with sup­port and knowl­edge. You can find oth­er links  on Write Tribe.

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© Ruchie2k16

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