Vidya, happily married from last 10 years and her life is rocking..wonderful, lovable husband and her dream job she love to give her 100% to it.
Entering in cafe, she got surprise to see her childhood friend Sikhsha having gala time with her 2 munchkins…. talking about school days they giggle and shared wonderful time …she her kids for the first time but they were just laughing and playing with her like they know her from years….her friend smiled and asked ” Vidya, it’s long you got married …being career oriented is good but you should now think about family …Why you are not planning for kids?”
Vidya smiled and said ” Yes, we too are planning .”
Sikhsha : Do you know, you should atleast plan one kid now else it would be late…”
Vidya smiled back and kept playing with kids….and returned home..
After she returned home, she was full in tears and only she knows what she is going through… Sikhsha her childhood best friend also not aware what she said and what hurt her friend more….Everyone just keep on and telling her plan for baby, you are so career oriented but only Vidya knows what she is going through.
She always loved kids, after her marriage wanted to have one baby but destiny planned something else for her. Ravi her husband and she left no stones to find out best doctor to get treatment to conceive. Her inlaws, relatives even her brother stopped calling her in functions and ceremony thinking that her presence will not be good. Pain from which she was going can’t be expressed in words but why all blame her ONLY her. Ravi can attend all family function but her mother in law given him strict instruction “don’t bring Vidya for any puja or family functions”
Is she really responsible for her INFERTILITY?
Let us first know what is really Infertility in terms of medical science.
According to WHO ” Infertility is “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.”… (WHO-ICMART glossary1).
We are in 21st century like we have so many Myths about periods still we are holding up tight Myths about Infertility.The inability to give birth to a child when desired is a very personal and stressful life experience. Many myths surround this area of human life and though medical science has brought about a rapidly growing number of interventions and technologies to assist individuals toward pregnancy, much of it is misunderstood. It is helpful to separate some of the common myths from the truths regarding important subjects such as the causes and nature of infertility and the care of infertile couples.
Myth– “Infertility is usually due to a problem in the woman.”
Truth – It is important for couples to understand that the causes of infertility are almost equally shared by female and male partners.
Myth – “Infertility is a rare disorder.”
Truth – Primary infertility is understood to be the failure of a couple to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse. In the female older than 35, it is generally defined as no conception in six months since problems with infertility increase with age and age reduces the likelihood that treatments will be successful.
Myth –Foods Affect Fertility.
Truth –False. Some have suggested that consuming more (or less) soy affects fertility.
Myth: Having sex every day will increase our chances of conceiving.
Truth: Timing sex during the most fertile days of a woman’s monthly cycle will increase your chances – not how many times you have sex. Generally, the best time for trying to conceive is during the 11th to 17th days of a woman’s menstrual cycle, based on a 28-day cycle. Since a man’s sperm can live for 48 to 72 hours in a woman’s reproductive tract, intercourse every other day during this period is recommended.
Myth: Women going through fertility treatments end up with twins or triplets.
Truth: The majority of women who succeed with fertility treatments will have a single child. The risk of multiple pregnancies with infertility treatments is higher than usual, but can be minimized.
These are few Myths which still exits in society it’s high time we should stop being judgmental about women not having kids and #GiveRespect to them you never know through what they are going!!!
Things what I feel we should say or not to someone who is living with infertility
We should say :
- Let them know that you care. The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care.
- Do your research. Read up about infertility, and possibly treatments or other family building options your friend is considering, so that you are informed when your friend needs to talk.
- Act interested. Some people don’t want to talk about infertility, but some do. Let them know you’re available if they want to talk.
- Ask them what they need. They may also appreciate if you ask them what the most helpful things to say are.
- Provide extra outreach to your male friends. Infertility is not a woman’s-centric issue; your male friends are most likely grieving silently. Don’t push, but let them know you’re available.
- When appropriate, encourage therapy. If you feel your friend could benefit from talking to a professional to handle his or her grief, suggest therapy gently. If you go to therapy regularly, or ever have, share your personal story.
- Support their decision to stop treatment. No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief.
Things you should never say :
- Don’t tell them to relax. Comments such as “just relax” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
- Don’t minimize the problem. Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.,” do not offer comfort.
- Don’t say there are worse things that could happen. Who is the final authority on what is the “worst” thing that could happen to someone? Different people react to different life experiences in different ways.
- Don’t ask why they are not trying IVF. Because most insurance plans do not cover IVF treatment, many are unable to pay for the out-of-pocket expenses. Infertility stress is physical, emotional, and financial.
- Don’t push adoption or another solution. So often infertile couples are asked, “Why don’t you just adopt?” The couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision or chose another family building option.
- Don’t say, “You’re young, you have plenty of time to get pregnant.” Know the facts. It’s recommended that women under 35 see a fertility specialist after being unable to conceive for one year. Being young increases your chance of fertility treatments working, but it does not guarantee success.
- Don’t gossip about your friend’s condition. For some, infertility treatments are a very private matter, which is why you should respect your friend’s privacy.
- Don’t complain about your pregnancy. For many facing infertility, it can be hard to be around other women who are pregnant. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Not complaining can make things a little easier for your friend.
- Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. Male or female factor. Just because a friend has told you he or she is experiencing infertility as a couple, does not mean he or she wants to discuss the details.
- On the other hand, don’t assume the infertility is female factor. 1/3 of infertility is female factor, 1/3 is male factor, and 1/3 is unexplained.
This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links on Write Tribe.
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Thanks or hopping and reading this post …please share your any such incident, any person you know gone through same pain !!!
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